I wasn’t sure if I was awake
or dreaming,
I was afraid the crow would think
that I am dead
and eat my flesh.
I was afraid but
in the same time
I was at peace
like numb
like didn’t care anymore
if I was alive or dead.
But the crow just flew
over my left side
and I woke up
still feeling the touch of his wings.
Poem~5
Cyber Drama
To S.
(saying to me “once a bullshitter always a bullshitter,
ensure you put that in your poem”)
Summer heat melting the asphalt
cotton like silence and air so hot
burning lungs,
in my room hearing the noise of the fan
cooling the air,
Patricia Kaas singing “Rien ne s’arrete”,
watching the white ceiling
chaos in my head,
Words,
Words,
memories circling around
like venomous serpents,
I remember,
cuz nothing gets lost in the memory of pain,
him calling me baby,
pretending to be someone else,
pretending he needs real love,
yeah, instant love was what he really
was looking for
Digits,
Cyberspace,
Cyber world
where everyone pretends
to be
someone else,
Lying,
Falsity converted into 1 and 0,
the language of machines,
I let myself being used,
I used that as a pretext to escape
my reality
my infinite sadness that comes from
a time before I was born,
my curse,
I was never pretending,
I dived into this artificial and instant love
like those that die of thirst in the desert,
imagining water
illusions that lead to death,
I used him as a pretext for my poems,
I loved him as he pretended to be
into the cyber world,
his toxic kiss,
world keeps moving around the sun,
Digital love turned into digital hate,
he cannot hurt me anymore
is just another label,
I am the bullshitter, like he said,
I will wear just another label
along with my scars painted on my heart,
“Rien ne s’arrete”,
don’t feel regrets,
would be in vain,
between him and me
Digital space
Digital feelings
Digital words,
Digital hate…
Silence will cover everything
and time will erase even memories…
But there
would always exist
into the cyberspace
traces of all digital dramas.
Thoughts turning into sand
Sahara inside my heart
I have my cross to bear
till I would stop bleeding
till I would get too tired
to waste
another tear
another breath
another day
into this vast desert
that eats those who get lost
winds dry their bones, their flesh
no traces of any dreams they had
no memories left,
this desert hungrily consumes
the Lost and Damned.
Unforgiving waits in the darkness
hiding dark waters of despair
illusion to torture
forever thirsty souls
tormented by sins
and pain that won’t go away…
I died for you once
now is too late to find salvation,
Sahara inside my soul…
Nothing to wear today
bones are so heavy
the skin cannot fit anymore,
so many scars carved on it,
nothing to wear today
the sun shines openly in the sky
this light so dense,
is hurting,
nothing to wear today,
not even a smile,
no tear,
no trace of happiness,
rupture,
nothing to wear today…
A time that belongs to nobody
is circling me like a snake
hard to breathe,
enough…
enough space filled with worthless things
feelings with no shape,
words that cannot be heard,
books never to be written,
images with no colors,
people without faces,
dark waters with no land
yet
existing in a probable future
and in some dreams not to be remembered
in the mornings,
only a weird and metallic taste
left of them,
reminiscent of the void
before the beginning.
Heat dropping like acid
burning all thoughts
solitary nights so perfect
yet so dead,
time flowing endlessly
no mercy, no excuse,
words that hurt and words that kill
to the point of no return,
loosing control
diving into madness
so much hate in so much pain
searching for some reasons
passion turned to poison,
with fingernails and blood
writing silent cries…
won’t ever forget
won’t ever forgive
that summer of hate.
